A new and fresh start....

So I'm talking to this new girl, we'll call her Trouble. She's, I guess, you could say a new lesbian. Meaning that she's never been with a girl and if we do get together I'll be her 1st in everything lesbianistic.lol i like my new word. We met on DL, and we hit it off right off the back. We talked about everything we possibly could before exchanging numbers and we still have yet to run out of meaningful things to talk about..

The thing that scares me the most about being with her is that I'll break her heart, hurt her and scar her for life. The other half of me wants to be the one to hold her heart, hold her when she's hurt and heal her wounds.. It's been a while since I've felt like being open, nice and romantic with someone new, that isn't from my past. I'm glad she shined the light on my path so I could move forward.

On the other hand, I know she's scared about being a lesbian and being in a relationship with another woman. Hell I was shittin bricks the first time I even had thoughts of another female. I'm just going to try and be her support system even though we aren't even together, I know she's a good person and she only deserves the best. The fact that shes not out scares her even more because she doesn't want to be caught, excommunicated or closed out by the people she holds dear to her. I understand that too, if I have to meet her at neutral places like the coffee shop so be it, its not bothering me and I know she's comfortable. It's all about her and I hope she realizes that soon.

The other night, was a night to remember.(March 19/20,2010)

We met at chic-fil-a. I had been washing clothes and she had spent all day, literally, getting her hair twisted (she's growing dreads).. She we met up around 8pm cuz she was hungry, I really wasn't so she ate and I had a milk shake. After she was done eating we went outside and talked for a long time about nothing. Chic-fil-a was closing we had sat there so long, the night went by to fast, so I walked her to her car and we were saying our goodbyes, then I dared myself to go in for the kill a kiss.. I was about 2 inches from her face when a stranger came up and was begging up from gas money!! Ugh I handed him $7 and she offered to met him at the local gas station to put gas in his tank off her debit card. I was so damn heated. I had to call my Ace on that one and she calmed me down.. I sounded like I was in high school all over again.

So we met the man at the gas station and she out $11 in his tank, so both of us combined gave him $18! Damn people sure can bribe other nowadays. Anyways, I filled up my tank and let her decided if she wanted the night to end. She didn't so we went to the park where we 1st met. I knew the park had closed at 9 and it was well around 11. We went anyways and the police came and said we had to leave so we just went back to the Chic-fil-a parking lot and there is where everything went down.

We started off in my car just sittin there talking about nothing. She was like "I should get going" playfully I responded "well get out" and she did went to her car stuck her key in the ignition and started her car up. I hopped out of my car so fast to stop her, I amazed myself of my agility. I asked her to stay a little while longer although it was already after midnight, I just couldnt let her leave on that note.

So she stayed until 330am.. We just hung out in the parking lot... I was holding her she was holding me it began to get cold after a while so the holding sessions started to last a long time. With everyone we began to get closer, mentally and physically with one another. She held my hands too :) I was smiling like a kid in the candy store on that. The simplest things throw me for a loop.

After sometime of nothing and playfully arguing.. I kissed her... Immediately after I began to work up an apology in my mind and I was 3 seconds away from blurting it out but she held me tighter and it gave me reassurance (in my mind) that it was okay with what I did. She just laid her head on my chest for a while and I held her close... Sometime past and we said our goodbyes with a few hugs and a few more kisses...

I haven't seen her since though but we've been texting all day and night... We planned to meet up for coffee tomorrow evening.. We'll see what lies ahead on the get together