Randomness..Keep up

heeey I can't change this ugly font...

anyways my bday is in 2 days..... whoop whoop the big 21!!! (do I seem excited?) Good, I hope I do because I'm really not.. I hate my bday always have especially after my father bought me a bike and said he'll keep it over his place. I came over one lonely weekend hoping to ride on my new bike but couldn't because my father sold it for dope.
-or-
The 3 days before my birthday when I begged him to take me away from my mothers house because over his house I was treated like a princess despite his falls. I always forgave him but never for these two things. I hope and PRAY he doesn't call the 18th because I will truly have to give him a pice of my mind when my BIRTHDAY is damn well the 17th... For petes sake you are the other half of me; you're my sperm donor...

Anyways, around this time in the spring I always wish and would like a ladyfriend.. Idk why it is or how it could be.. but I'm not stable for one I don't think; well I am but I don't think that it would work.. For some as reason though , without searching or even looking, I have these leech sucking,titty sucking, mommas MEN on my ass.. Like I don't even like men let alone dick but they all seem to think that there is no possible way I can be gay because I'm so pretty. Bullshit Negroid. THe horror. I just want a lady friend, we don't even have to be together I just want someone here. Someone I can hold on to at night (Mr.Pillow ain't cutting it no mo'), someone who wouldn't ming waking up to my morning hair. So basically a cuddle/chill buddy?? I need to hit a gay bar asap..

I also need a conversation buddy.. I havent not had a political conversation YET and its killing me. I love to sit down or take a walk (if it wasn't so damn cold) and just talk. That brings warmth to my soul, joy to my heart and puts a smile on my face. I doubt I'll be doing much talking though maybe soon maybe not... I just wish it was happening..

AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT IS NOT THINKING ABOUT HAVING A KID?

Like everyone I know in the EARLY 20's are popping out these little runts and quiet frankly I feel out the damn loop. I want kids just not now. Hell I don't even know I want eat dinner every night. How will I know how to feed a child? Shit, I won't I guess I'll just ignore that memo. I have so many fears and insecurities raising a child, I'll be damned if I rely on gonverment assistance. I never had to in my life; my mom did not believe in them. Maybe I'm thinking too much into my future because I want a house not an apartment. I want a car not a scoot box. I want.. FINANCIAL STABILITY.

Which brings me to my next subject...

I know I'm not going to make dip shit as a teacher. I know it so I was thinking about go into the Air Force, National Gaurd or OCS. I will need a GREAT money makin partner(doubtful about this.) or another check coming in somewhere and working for, with, to the government right now and I know later I dont give a damn what I have to do but I know I need money to survive therefore I'll do anything to get it even its putting my life on the line.. Get Rich or DIe Trying...

It never fails... Every single year, primarily close to my bday, a old person comes back in my life (ex: ex, friend, teacher) its mostly its an ex. This year its my ex DR.. She has a baby now and she named it after me.. DR was my sister best friend and was my around the corner boo.. I can honestly say she help spark my
pimpin ways.. She was bisexual and I was fully gay.. She thought it was okay for her to still be with guys and still come back to me.. Uh no no boo.. I always had me another girl especially when I knew she was going with some guy.. That side of me that she created has yet to wear completely off; sad to say. Needless to say, she found me on myspace just to wish me happy birthday a few days in advance. Some old feelings came back with that, like the times I use to sneak out of the house just to walk to her house to hold her at night or when we would take long walks around the neighborhood at 3am just because we couldn't sleep...Also how disgustingly hairy she was when I ate her out... Oh the thing we do when we're young.
I think I'm done... its SNOWING...

"Blame it on me"-Chrisette Michele/Time Stand Still-AAR