....The 1st....

So I just got off the phone with Tashia(my gf), well more like she hung up in my face.....idk... Most of the time she makes me feel so inadequate...to her needs, to her, her wants,her mind, her feelings, the list could go on... I know and feel like I'm there for her 24/7 like who do you know will wake up out their sleep at 4 am just to wake someone else up? I guess I do it outta love... Cuz i do love her, but at times I wonder if she loves me... Like throughout the day, we discuss what has happened to her, what she did, how she felt.....but when we finally get to me I draw a blank cuz I'm so wrapped up in caring about her and her day that mines doesn't even matter,honestly. After we get off the phone for the day the same question pops into my head "Will you still love me tomorrow?" That question comes to mind so much that I can't even stand to listen to the song by Amy Winehouse anymore.

I'm suppose to see her this weekend I don't know if that'll happen still, because idk... I'm suppose to be doing alot for us....like transferring to JSU. Thats like jumping into a never-ending pit... I dont know what my parents will think, I think they'll cut me off financially in every which way.who knows, i do know that I am physically,emotionally and mentally tired, I dont even do much....im scared.....

There's so many words I could share but yet they're better left unspoken....Maybe another time...

"My heart is heavy

knees are weak

too much weight to be carried

on my shoulders,

I drag my feet

If I dare to speak

Will anyone hear me

or my weeps?"-Jasmine