Randomness..Keep up

heeey I can't change this ugly font...

anyways my bday is in 2 days..... whoop whoop the big 21!!! (do I seem excited?) Good, I hope I do because I'm really not.. I hate my bday always have especially after my father bought me a bike and said he'll keep it over his place. I came over one lonely weekend hoping to ride on my new bike but couldn't because my father sold it for dope.
-or-
The 3 days before my birthday when I begged him to take me away from my mothers house because over his house I was treated like a princess despite his falls. I always forgave him but never for these two things. I hope and PRAY he doesn't call the 18th because I will truly have to give him a pice of my mind when my BIRTHDAY is damn well the 17th... For petes sake you are the other half of me; you're my sperm donor...

Anyways, around this time in the spring I always wish and would like a ladyfriend.. Idk why it is or how it could be.. but I'm not stable for one I don't think; well I am but I don't think that it would work.. For some as reason though , without searching or even looking, I have these leech sucking,titty sucking, mommas MEN on my ass.. Like I don't even like men let alone dick but they all seem to think that there is no possible way I can be gay because I'm so pretty. Bullshit Negroid. THe horror. I just want a lady friend, we don't even have to be together I just want someone here. Someone I can hold on to at night (Mr.Pillow ain't cutting it no mo'), someone who wouldn't ming waking up to my morning hair. So basically a cuddle/chill buddy?? I need to hit a gay bar asap..

I also need a conversation buddy.. I havent not had a political conversation YET and its killing me. I love to sit down or take a walk (if it wasn't so damn cold) and just talk. That brings warmth to my soul, joy to my heart and puts a smile on my face. I doubt I'll be doing much talking though maybe soon maybe not... I just wish it was happening..

AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT IS NOT THINKING ABOUT HAVING A KID?

Like everyone I know in the EARLY 20's are popping out these little runts and quiet frankly I feel out the damn loop. I want kids just not now. Hell I don't even know I want eat dinner every night. How will I know how to feed a child? Shit, I won't I guess I'll just ignore that memo. I have so many fears and insecurities raising a child, I'll be damned if I rely on gonverment assistance. I never had to in my life; my mom did not believe in them. Maybe I'm thinking too much into my future because I want a house not an apartment. I want a car not a scoot box. I want.. FINANCIAL STABILITY.

Which brings me to my next subject...

I know I'm not going to make dip shit as a teacher. I know it so I was thinking about go into the Air Force, National Gaurd or OCS. I will need a GREAT money makin partner(doubtful about this.) or another check coming in somewhere and working for, with, to the government right now and I know later I dont give a damn what I have to do but I know I need money to survive therefore I'll do anything to get it even its putting my life on the line.. Get Rich or DIe Trying...

It never fails... Every single year, primarily close to my bday, a old person comes back in my life (ex: ex, friend, teacher) its mostly its an ex. This year its my ex DR.. She has a baby now and she named it after me.. DR was my sister best friend and was my around the corner boo.. I can honestly say she help spark my
pimpin ways.. She was bisexual and I was fully gay.. She thought it was okay for her to still be with guys and still come back to me.. Uh no no boo.. I always had me another girl especially when I knew she was going with some guy.. That side of me that she created has yet to wear completely off; sad to say. Needless to say, she found me on myspace just to wish me happy birthday a few days in advance. Some old feelings came back with that, like the times I use to sneak out of the house just to walk to her house to hold her at night or when we would take long walks around the neighborhood at 3am just because we couldn't sleep...Also how disgustingly hairy she was when I ate her out... Oh the thing we do when we're young.
I think I'm done... its SNOWING...

"Blame it on me"-Chrisette Michele/Time Stand Still-AAR

DL Playlist by J on MySpace Music - Play Playlist Songs & Download Tracks

DL Playlist by J on MySpace Music - Play Playlist Songs & Download Tracks

....

POW!





...So just pull the trigger..

ALAS!!!

I've been away for a while..a long while.. I've hit a road block within myself and quite frankly I'm sick of my OWN self... Like seriously.. Heres the deal:

We'll start with LD.. I know we arent in a relationship but hell I know I treat u better than ex or anybody else.. I treat u as if u were my own girlfriend.. Even though you aren't and at times I wish you could be, right now I'm glad you arent cuz you would catch one real pissed off me like seriously.. U've kinda proven to be just like the rest... Lying and 2 faced.. like I know I"m not there but you do not have to write me off in ur status and I shouldn't have to read about whats going on or who ur with in your status like be upfront and real about what and who you are doing...blah idk even know why i'm so pissed but better believe I am...

now on to p... shes here laying right fucking next to me tuning me out! like i hate that shit don't ignore me or waste my damn time being here if being on ur phone and blasting ur ipod is all you are going to do..u could've saved ur money and I couldve saved mines and gas. I know she still loves ashley and right now i'm livid with her presences becuz she's having a better conversation with ashley over her damn phone than she is with the person that is right next to her.. like what thefuck I wish people would get a grip and not waste mine or their time.. and she too is writing me off in her status and i'm RIGHT HERE..

now to TH.... i'm so fuckin tired of the push and pull effect with her like fuck what do u want?? I stuck around for a damn year for u to get ur shit together and now i'm too damn tired to even jump into a relationship cuz i'm ready to date around.. I'll be here but someone else may be in our picture..got damn..

I just wish ppl would see whats in front of them instead of whats behind them.. or around the person holding the light so they can see the path theyre walking on.. I'm so tired of wom..no little girls right now its ridiculous.. utterly.. But I only have myself to blame for letting other waste my time...

Good Riddens

LIAR,LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

Although, I know She'll never read this.. I still think I'll write about it... Everytime Her and I talk I think she's lying to me...point blank period.. I get angry about it and in my head I go on a rampage but I never say anything to her.. It's affecting negatively at the wrong time.. I mean who just ups and changing a flight when the flight has been the same for a month... U say u have a meeting on the 18th so you decide to fly down the 19th.. Now you say you have a meeting on the 22nd and now you're flying down on the 30th.. It just doesn't add up.. If you don't wana come don't.. don't waste my time.. I'm not worthy of shit I'm just someone thats trying to put her name in the word.. blah.. I hope your pants are on fire

Halloween/Atlanta

I went to HOTlanta this weekend and had a damn good time.. I think I may want to live there when I'm done with school its a nice ass place to be plus I felt at ease the whole time I was there. I like when I feel at ease or at home in a place I've never been in and ATL was it. I'm going to look into the schools and places to stay there. Anyways, I went there to go to Six Flags Fright Fest. I rode two rides and called it quits because it was cold and rainy but I had fun. We also went to a club downtown called "Thrive". By far the best club I've been to in the south thus far. I enjoyed myself fine women swaying there thick hips to reggae beats, nice lips reciting the words of the song without missing a word.. I was in heaven that night, I was in love..

When I got back though it was a different story. I had to rush myself to the ER because when I got home I was urinating blood. Not like the period type either. I went to the ER and sat there for 2 hours and then I sat in the back for 2 hours. The results said that I had a very bad urinary tract infection. I was in so much pain. I didn't make it home til 3:30am, I had to miss classes today too. I've stopped peeing blood though thanks to the medicine they gave me and I'm grateful for that. Back to school I go..

wanted to update, i guess i will after i calm down